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I sent my worthless Magikarp to do jobs in Pokémon Sword and Shield - Polygon

The Pokédex will tell you that Magikarp are “worthless,” “weak,” and “pathetic.” But what does the Pokédex know, really? That thing was probably written by 12-year-olds. I refuse to believe my orange flopper is a waste of space with no inherent value. I can prove it, too — but not with some flashy display of Magikarp’s battle prowess. What are we, barbarians?

No. Instead, I am here to plead Magikarp’s case by showing you how well our fish boy performs within the confines of capitalism.

Last week, I started fooling around with Pokémon Sword and Shield’s Poké Jobs feature, where companies will post listings of tasks they need to get done. For example, a clothes store might ask for fighting-type Pokémon to help them prove their wares are durable, or a delivery service might ask for flying-type Pokémon to complete shipments. Some of the asks are bizarre: Once, I had a taxi service request Dark-type Pokémon because they wanted passengers to “reveal their true nature.” Uh, sure.

A strange job request in Pokémon Sword and Shield. Game Freak

While the feature is completely optional and comparatively small next to things like the Wild Area, the flavor text does a great job of illustrating how a society full of special creatures might actually work. Even so, I was curious to see how far I could push Poké Jobs. There were a few times when I sent a Pokémon that I thought was well-suited for the assignment, only to get a report back telling me that I should make a better choice next time. Once, for instance, I sent a Growlithe to do a job involving fire, and while my pup technically completed the task, I was told that Growlithe struggled.

I have no idea how Poké Jobs calculates efficiency here — is it related to the level, for instance? Can a monster’s temperament influence the outcome? But after some misfires, I was curious to see how far I could push things. What if I intentionally sent a clumsy creature to do work? And so I set off with a fishing rod to the nearby river, where I captured some fresh Magikarp for my experiment.

The first job I sent them out on was for Surf Shipping, which wanted water-type Pokémon to carry cargo over bodies of water. The icon showed a Lapras, dutifully carrying a huge load. So of course I sent three Magikarp to do it. I gave them the whole day — they’d probably need it, given that there’s no easy way for a Magikarp to, uh, hold anything.

To my surprise, my three chums came back with top marks.

Three Magikarp who are very good boys. The Pokemon Company

Actually, I was told that my client was “happier than they’ve ever been” with the help of my Pokémon. As a prize, not only did my golden boys receive extra experience points, one of them even gifted me a loaf of bread. (???)

Was this just a fluke? Was it possible that Magikarp could, in fact, contribute something meaningful to society? Unsure of what to believe, I sought out another test for my aquatic friends. This time, I sent the lot with Yoshida’s Coffee, an outfit that was looking for water-type assistance with their brews. “I’d like Pokémon that are knowledgeable about such things,” the listing said.

And so, off they went for a whole day, apparently on a mission to help a shop pick the best possible liquid for their drinks. Surely, I thought to myself, Magikarp can’t possibly have the skills of a barista? How would that even work?

To my surprise, my trio defied my skepticism and once again did a great job. Don’t ask me how, or why. But my Magikarp did it. I gained a second loaf of bread for my troubles. It was almost as if my Magikarp were telling me to eat it, literally.

Now I come to you, dear reader, with a plea: Do not underestimate the prowess of the mighty Magikarp. They can defeat champions, sure. But more importantly, they can clock in on time and put in an honest day’s work.

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December 03, 2019 at 11:46PM
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I sent my worthless Magikarp to do jobs in Pokémon Sword and Shield - Polygon
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